You know Elsa? No, not the disney character, Elsa, my car Elsa? The one I got less than two months ago? Yeah, I backed up into another car and crushed my fender. Last Sunday.
Tuesday, after meeting with the insurance guy to find out what we're going to have to pay to get it fixed, I got a speeding ticket.
In a construction zone.
I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy or whatever, I'm telling you this as a precursor to what I have next. Reading through Ruth has been super delightful because of all of the ways that the writers from SRT have dug deep to show me/us/the readers some of the hidden truth treasures. Did you read Day 4? Well, for me it hit home.
After all of my catastrophes this week, I have been calling myself Mara just like Naomi (meaning bitter in Hebrew). Even worse, I have been calling myself stupid, unworthy of my husband's love/patience/grace/hardwork/etc.--let alone God's, wasteful, ashamed, undeserving, and the list goes on. It's the first thing that I revert to when things aren't going my way and I am not submerged in Truth. I always have some [awful] name for myself to put a cap on how I just don't measure up.
"Even still, Naomi could not see past her circumstances. The hand was dealt, the credits were rolling. Naomi believed with her head that her God was sovereign, but she was too soul-weary to believe with her heart. And so she calls it. Game over. Name changed."
It's been so hard for me to look past myself and trust that God is still good, and to still be joyful (I know, it's a car; it's money, move on, right?). I feel like Naomi and I totally know that God is sovereign but I almost hate to believe it when all these bad things keep happening. I said no to the Influence Conf this year after everything happened, I'm so stressed about it all that I am having meltdowns over the smallest little mishaps, and my body is even doing things in response to my anxiety. I have lost hope and I have lost joy.
Why would God do this if He's actually good?
His plan is bigger than ours.
The Lord is my portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
(Psalm 16:5-6 ESV)
I want to believe that my lines have fallen in pleasant places according to my God even when those places aren't of my choosing and the lines aren't where I would've drawn them.
Amanda nailed it by saying:
She (Naomi) couldn’t imagine the bitterness becoming beauty, but her sovereign God could.
Naomi named herself Bitter, but God names her—and us!—Blessed.
He names us Forgiven.
He names us Beloved.
He names us Redeemed.
These names hold true even when circumstances don’t, because ours is a God who is mighty over our affliction and blessing, our bitterness and beauty, our past and future.
Ours is the Savior who rose from the grave, defeating sin and death and hopelessness forever.
Circumstances change, but they do not change our God.
Can we just rest in our daddy's arms knowing that He is true,
and that He loves us despite the things we have done/said/ruined that we can't shake from our identity?
Thank you Jesus for giving us a new name, a redeemed name, apart from our circumstances. Thank you that every name we've named ourselves can never hold up against Your work in naming us new.