She Who Fears

A Christian lifestyle blog that exists to glorify Jesus, encourage community, and build a healthy fear of the Lord

5 Things I Learned From 1 Year of Marriage || #01

marriageJordyn9 Comments

        We’ve talked about love languagesbeing best friends with your spouserespect, and communication, and now we’ve come to my final point; Jesus over everything.

First, I want to ask you, who is your savior? When you have a hard day, who is it that you talk to about it? When you’re at your breaking point, who is it that you’re turning to? Who is it that you expect to help you and encourage you when you don’t like the way life is treating you? It’s easy to put our husbands in that role. It’s easy to have unrealistic expectations of how they are supposed to respond to our shortcomings and then to be broken when they can’t save us. Our husbands never can and never will fill that role. Our husbands are sinners (just as much as we are) and therefore, even though we may want them to be, they are not perfect. It’s unfair of us to put the weight of the world on their shoulders because they just can’t carry it. Only Jesus can carry it. Only Jesus can bring us the joy that we yearn for and the delight that we only seek from our husbands.

Sometimes, marriage can turn into more of a contract, with a list of expectations that we expect our spouse to fulfill. Unfortunately, this only grows anger, bitterness, frustration, dissatisfaction and discontentment. Then comes conflict because the expectations weren’t met. In those times, it is easy to let the world and the culture tell us how to fix our marriages. If your social media feed looks anything like mine, you are surrounded with mediocre advice that tells you “10 ways to change (insert your dissatisfaction here)”… or maybe you read the post about “12 things a real man will do for you.” 

It is unfortunate that most women think the answers to their problems lie within such shallow, self serving solutions. It is equally as unfortunate when we begin to let that same advice influence our marriages or perceptions of our husbands. This simply gives us a manufactured, artificial understanding of what marriage should look like in response to the gospel. 

The real solution is only found in Jesus. 

In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas bids the question, “what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” When Jesus is the center of your marriage, things change. Marriage becomes more about being selfless than being selfish. It then can be filled with true joy in response to God’s grace, and it turns into the abundant gift that God designed it to be as we grow closer to Him through the sanctifying nature of our marriages.

He wants us to forego our own desires and live for Christ.

Not for ourselves and not for our spouse, but for the one who brought us together to experience His goodness and His grace for His glory. 

We were created to glorify God (Isaiah 43:7) and that means in every aspect of our lives, especially our marriages!

How is your marriage glorifying your Maker? How isn’t it?

Liked this post? Check out the rest of the series:

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Communication is Key

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Respect One Another

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Be Best Friends

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Know Your Love Languages