She Who Fears

A Christian lifestyle blog that exists to glorify Jesus, encourage community, and build a healthy fear of the Lord

5 Things I Learned From 1 Year of Marriage || #02

marriageJordyn13 Comments

Friends, it’s Wednesday. We’re halfway through the week and almost completely through with this series. Knowing that there is only one week left is both bitter & sweet; I am excited to share the top point with you, but I sort of like reflecting on the harder times in my marriage and seeing how God has pulled us through so that I can share what I’m sharing with you all. 

This week I’m hitting on the importance of communication in marriage through five quick points—although each point could probably have a post on its own!

The first [and in my case, the hardest] part of communication is to actually communicate. I struggle with wanting to shut down whenever conflict arises. If you’re like me, you are the “flighter”. Silence is your best friend and also your worst enemy. Your spouse knows your cold shoulder as well as the back of their hand. Do not be like me. On the other side, maybe you’re the “fighter” and all that matters is winning to you. You have ten different reasons lined up to prove why you’re right and if those ten fail, you have ten more to back it. Neither of these methods will work. You both have to be willing to have an open conversation and either intentionally open up or back the heck off so that your spouse can open up. 

Communication is more than just an ability to talk—but an ability to listen as well. Sometimes I realize that I am not listening to Miles, just thinking about what I’m going to say next, and then I miss most everything that he had even said. Actively listening to someone is the ability to fully concentrate on what is being said and not just passively hearing words spoken. I challenge you to be an active listener this week and see how your spouse reacts to your steady eye contact and verbal affirmations while they are speaking. This honestly goes hand in hand with last week’s respect post.

You may think you’re saying one thing, but your spouse might be receiving another. What is your body saying that you aren’t? Even if you say “nothing’s wrong” and “I’m fine” or maybe even “sorry” if our body language is communicating that we aren’t it only lengthens the road to reconciliation. And better yet, what’s your tone like? Especially over forms of communication like text and email where things can go dreadfully wrong terribly fast. Are you checking your tone often?

*As women I think that it is easy to use our tone of voice to manipulate our husbands into feeling a certain way. In no way does this honor or glorify God, nor act as a way to love our husbands well. 

+ Don’t be afraid to be honest with your love. One of the biggest obstacles I’ve had to overcome with communication is my ability to be open and honest with Miles. I never wanted to tell him anything that might hurt his feelings (like maybe he said something that made me upset but instead of telling him that I’d let it fester and three days later it would usually blow up into a multitude of things). Be open to them about what you need to say and be open to what they have to say in return.

Think before you speak. Is it true (Exodus 20:16)? Is it kind (Titus 3:2)? Is it necessary (Proverbs 11:22)?

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”

(James 1:19-21 ESV)

How has communication proven great and/or difficult in your marriages or relationships?

Don't forget to come back next wednesday for the final point of the series!


Liked this post? Check out the rest of the series:

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Jesus > Everything

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Respect One Another

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Be Best Friends

5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: Know Your Love Languages