She Who Fears

A Christian lifestyle blog that exists to glorify Jesus, encourage community, and build a healthy fear of the Lord

5 Things I Learned From 1 Year of Marriage || #04

marriageJordyn7 Comments

       Wow you guys. I was so blown away by the responses to last week's marriage post. If you haven't yet, consider giving that one a read--it's the first in this new little series I've begun! I'm really excited to continue sharing, because each week, the countdown gets closer and my passion for each topic intensifies!!

       This week, let's talk about befriending your spouse...and friendship in general.

+ General Friendships: 

Marriage changed the dynamic of every one of my friendships. I'm still very close with my best friends despite distance (as in literal thousands of miles), but things just get different once you get married. You don't have as much time to spend with other people in that first year because you're working on things with the one you live with. I think that's okay--and good. Friends understand, and I'm sure if I was still in Reno things would be pretty much back to pre-marriage feeling. Plus, you really do need time to get used to doing life with your new roomie (or at least we did), and that takes lots of time and effort. 

+ Insecurities: 

I'm really thankful because Miles has always been super open with me about everything [read: all the things that I was always too embarrassed to be open with anyone about] and that's been extremely beneficial for us. It helped me to get out of my comfort zone quick and when you don't have to hold in your toots for nineteen hours until your spouse leaves the house, that's good. If you plan on living with them for the rest of your life, the earlier on you can let go of your little inhibitions, the better. I'm sure that the easiness factor on this one is different for everyone, and I'm not sure if I have any tips on how to be super carefree because it really didn't come that easy for me. It was lots of being "naked and unashamed" on my husband's part. Just lots of prayer in general about having that same unconstrained attitude with him on my part. 

+ Dating: 

I don't know how to stress the importance of date nights. Miles and I aim for a date at least once a week. We try for lunch dates at our favorite little thai place, or maybe dinner and a movie, or even just a coffee date. They're not always extravagant nights or out of town getaways, but they always rule. Sometimes when our weeks are filled with busyness and it feels like we've barely even been able to interact throughout them, that date night is the light at the end of a dark tunnel. We spend the time mostly just reconnecting, sparkin' up some romance, and really just having fun together! There are lots of great date night ideas for any budget, and I plan on sharing some of those in the future. Also, I know some of you have kids. If you can't budget a once a week sitter, read this blog post by one of my good friends, and convince a few of your friends to help you out.

NOTE: date nights are for quality time. Put your phones away and be present with the one that Jesus created you to spend the rest of your life on earth with. It's special time and you can't let instagram/facebook/twitter ruin your special time.

Nothing is worse than trying to engage with someone who is engaging with thousands of others via social media

+ Have Fun: 

Marriage is so fun when you let it be that way. I think that the absolute best way to cultivate a deep friendship is by just letting loose. Play games! Be silly! Joke with each other! It's always so great to get a deep, belly laugh out of Miles, and few things make me smile more than his smile. I think that all of the points above play huge roles into this one, and again, fun comes in different packages for everyone, but I super encourage you to be a fun wife and not a constant dripping of a leaky roof wife.


       Before Miles and I were married, of course, we were friends. We were really good friends. Now though?? We are indefinitely bonded, besties 4 lyfe, type best friends. People that are already that way before they're married are lucky....but, I'm glad that it has worked out this way for us.

What about you? What cultivates your deep friendship with your husband?

+ Come hang out next Wednesday for "5 Things I Learned from 1 Year of Marriage: On Respect"